My Testimony 2013- Jehovah Rapha

Since 2013 has come to a close, I wanted to start 2014 off by sharing my story of God healed me in 2013. I shared this story with my Facebook friends back in October but I don't know why I never posted on my blog. But hey, its never a wrong time to share a testimony! I hope you all enjoy!

Okay so my best friend brought it to my attention that I can't keep what God has done for me to myself because one, it’s not about me and two, my struggles are meant help others and encouraging others to hold on to their faith in Christ. I would tell myself that I was going to wait to share my testimony until the "right" time but there is no such thing as the right time. The enemy wanted me not to share out of fear that people would have something to say about me but like I said before, it's not about me it’s about God getting the glory out of my life. Freedom is what I seek and in order for me to get that freedom I must nail my past to that cross so that all will see that. So my prayer is that my testimony will save souls and help you or someone out there who needs encouragement.

In the summer of 2009 was when I got saved and remained celibate for 3 ½ years after. I didn't date in college until the summer before my last year of college. I dated someone that I knew God was not pleased with. And every time I talked to this person, spent time with this person and slept with this person I felt so much conviction that I would cry terribly. I never felt conviction like this ever before and even with the conviction I would still fall into sin. After many nights of tears, frustration, and hurt, I got up enough courage to say you know what my relationship with God is way more important than this. I cannot continue to live like this, and pretty much giving myself away when you're not my husband I rather be pleasing to God and have my peace. I was putting this person in a position that belonged to Christ and it could not happen any longer! So I called it quits, I cut the cord. Fast forward to October 2011 I just wasn't feeling right so I decided to schedule a doctor's appointment I actually self-diagnosed myself a couple of days before so I was sort of prepared to hear what the doctor’s judgment was. So the verdict was that I contacted HPV. It was very confusing because I hadn't been sexually active for 4 1/2 months and now this comes out of nowhere. I cried. I even said to the doctor that I was a Christian and that I should have never let this happen to me. And that this was not a good representation of Christ. She (the doctor) explained to me my options and then I asked her was there a cure she flat out said no. I thought my life ended at that point. I didn't have my car that year so I rode my bike home saying to myself that I was damaged goods, that no one would ever want me anymore. I was hurt, angry, broken, and confused. I knew that I wouldn't be able to go into work so I called off and that whole day I just sat in my apartment in a depressed state. How could I have let this happen to me? The one time I date someone out of all my college years I get hit with this? I was too ashamed to even call on God. I couldn't even work up enough nerve to cry out to Him because I knew I let Him down. He warned me. He consoled me when I messed up but turned around and messed up again, I deserved what happened to me. I felt that it was no one’s fault but mine, I knew better. I decided after that, that I was going to build a wall in front of me I wasn't going to let no one in. I sat in my apartment and told myself that I was just going to let myself go so that no one would even be attracted to me. I was so afraid of a man to even like me because I did not want to face the fact that I had to one day tell him my situation I was afraid of being rejected. My friends and family would try to console me and tell me that I can't speak these things over myself, that someone would love me and that God is a healer but I wasn't trying to hear it. And for a year and two months I had to deal with the unbearable pain which caused sudden chills that at times I could not do anything but sit or lay down.

It took me a while to realize that this was my punishment. God was punishing me for my sin because I knew better so I accepted that. It hurt me so much more that although I was not connected with this person that I fell into sin with anymore, my pain and my hurt was always a reminder of my past. I would plead with God to heal me and to have mercy on me but it didn't come. But the craziest thing about this whole situation was that in all my pain, anger, and uncomfortable condition, I still praised God. I still had the strength to seek Him, to go to church, and to be obedient to His word. During this time I really connected with Job, especially after graduating college. I didn't have the things I once had before and after college I felt that the pain increased, my spiritual warfare increased, stress just increased. But I continued to call on the name of the Lord. Right before the end of 2012 I started to get more encouraged in my belief that God was and is a healer and even if He did not heal me from my physical pain, He would heal my emotional pain and allow His grace to be sufficient in my weakness. On New Year’s Eve I went to my church and the sermon was on closing a book and starting a new one in 2013. That everything that happened in 2012 would be in the past and that 2013 would be a "Supernatural Year". Depression, sickness, bad relationships, financial issues, etc. would be left in 2012. And I believed in my heart that things would get better from there on out, 2013 would be my supernatural year! So fast forward two weeks into January I finally was able to schedule a doctor's appointment. I was nervous because I figured my condition was worse because I haven't gone to the doctor in a long time. So I talked with the doctor, she asked have I had any pain lately I said no not for a while then she examined me, took some test and was told that I did not have HPV. She told me that she did not see anything in any of my test or in my pap. So I told her to look again because she was wrong. She laughed but I didn't (-__-) so she stopped and then told me that I was alright. I was still in doubt so I wanted another opinion and then God sent me one by saying "believe in me". I didn't question it but I was in shock. My mama asked what happened and I told her I didn't have it anymore, she was happy and said see now you can stop worrying.

Facebook Status January 15, 2013

"Still in awe right now, it’s so crazy how God works. He allows you to go through because of your lack of obedience to Him. And once you’re in the fire you may go through depression, shame, guilt, low self-esteem, hurt, pain, and self-rejection. Sometimes you feel as though God shouldn't even keep you because of your disobedience because you know that He requires so much more from us but not realizing that it was a test to see if giving up on Him was the easiest route. But because of His everlasting love and His forgiveness He equipped me even though I sinned against Him, with enough strength to not give up on Him and enough strength to raise my hands to give Him glory, when I didn't want to, and for this I owe Him even more glory and more honor and all the praise! It is definitely a Supernatural year for me!"

I do thank God for the experience I had with this particular person because I learned so much about myself. I've learned that I love hard, and that I was afraid of being rejected by someone I loved. I also realized that I was seeking someone to fill the void that my father left open. My dad died when I was really young so I never had that love that comes from a father. I was never a promiscuous person but I realized that instead of giving my body to just anyone, I would give my heart which caused way more problems in the end. I noticed that at times I was afraid to speak my mind out of fear that a guy would walk away from me. In a vision I saw myself as a little girl waiting for her dad to give her that attention she's been missing and to remind her that she is beautiful and deserves the world. But not only did this chapter teach me about myself, it made me realize the things I need in the man who will be my husband. So I can't say that I regret this chapter of my life because everything happens for a reason and I wouldn't know what I deserved when it came if this did not happen. And I wouldn't of gotten where I am now in my relationship with God if I didn't experience the pain and the hurt so hey, it is what it is.

But If you are suffering from an alignment, please don’t give up on God. I know you’re in pain. I know you’re heart broken. I know you feel unworthy but God’s grace is sufficient in our weaknesses. He is our Jehovah Rapha, he is a healer! When you are in pain and it seems as if you can’t continue to believe think about Job and all he went through. He struggled just like you and I but in the end all things plus more was restored to him. I may not be where I want to be just yet but I am glad to be where I am because I thought it was the end for me too but it’s not. So will you accept your punishment? Will you continue to praise God through your struggles? We as Christians think that once God has forgiven us of our sin that everything will be okay, NO! We have to pay for our sin. God is a loving God but he is also a jealous God and his wrath will come on those who sin against him. But in all of our sufferings and our test God allows them to happen to show his love for us just as a father would do. So do not give up, do not allow the enemy to have your self-esteem, your mind, nor your time. God has equipped you to with stand this test continue to press on towards the goal because if God is for you, than who can be against you? We are more than conquerors, you are more than a conqueror, believe it!

It is now the time for God's true followers to stand up and testify about His works and wonders. We are in the end times and saving souls should be our only concern. The four walls of the church house is not going to save any of us so it's time for the army of God to rise up and speak! I will no longer be a slave to fear because for God I live and for God I will die! Step out of those four walls and be real, shout outside of the church house, save souls through your testimony. Show God better than you can tell Him before it is too late, the time to move is NOW!

God bless,

Danni