"Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you."
Bible study at my church last night was for me was a flash back. I just have to give God glory because for a year and a half after graduating from college I couldn't find a job. I would apply for everything and had interviews but nothing was happening for me. I was so depressed but didn't show it. I would be in my room all day long and some would say that I wasn't doing anything, that I was lazy, and saying that I didn't want to work however I remained quiet. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. But little did they know, when I would be in my room all day I would be in my word all day. In prayer all day. Crying all day. Fighting against the enemy and his tactics to make me curse God and die. Oh boy it was a struggle, but God! I wasn't understanding why God wouldn't give me a job, I really thought He didn't like me and didn't want the best for me but even though I FELT that way I kept going to His word. During this season, although nothing in the natural was looking up, God was building me up in the spiritual. I was just too busy worrying about the desires of my heart and that feeling that God was out to get me which He actually was, He was out to get my heart to teach me that indeed man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. And every time I didn't get that, I kept getting knocked down . At those times I would say, "you know what I give up!" "God I don't deserve anything from you, you're too good for me, my heart is just not right to do your will" and "I can't handle this". But the funny part about this is that I knew God was sitting there waiting like, "when you finish throwing this little temper tantrum go on a fast, go pray, go read my word, get yourself together it's time for church" and I'm like -__-. As I type this I'm still laughing because He's just like a parent on some, after this whipping you still gotta wash those dishes type stuff.
4 "Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years."
God's grace was definitely on me, I couldn't afford to buy anything! I was soooo uncomfortable because I was definitely out of my comfort zone when it came to my appearance I couldn't buy clothes nor shoes. And me, not being able to buy shoes was like a thorn in my side (Lol). I had to try putting different outfits together to make it look like it was new and act like nobody saw me in that top last week (Lol). Not to mention I gained weight and had to figure out what to do when I did get a little money, spend it on buying something new or buy work out stuff? Which I choose the workout stuff and lost about 15 pounds "woot" "woot"! And as far as the shoes go, I had like two pairs of shoes that I wore a lot. There was a significant moment with one of the pairs of shoes I had that really made Deuteronomy 8:4 stand out to me. It was not until I was able to afford to buy new shoes did the bottom and the side of my shoes get holes and tear apart. When I finally threw the shoes away I had a praise break at the garbage can outside (lbvs). I couldn't do anything but praise God for keeping my shoes together until it was time to change (let this sink in your spirit) Lol. God is sooooo AWESOME and He really does get all the glory, honor, and praise out of my life because it was nobody but Him that got me to where I am now. It was nobody but Him that got me my job and I got the job because of my testimony of how He got me through one of the toughest times of my life. I can honestly say that if God had given me a job a year and a half ago I wouldn't be as obedient to His word as I am now. And I thank Him for that season of humbling me, of disciplining me, of testing and making me starve to find fullness in Him. Man God is so good! Just remain quiet, stay in your word even when you feel like giving up. God is there even when you feel like He's not, He will be there even when you throw your temper tantrum. I know that He will see you through, you may not because you're in a humbling season because I struggled too but God got you just fight your way through.
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